I was recently invited to offer some inspiration for healing at a forum on the global issue of violence against women and girls at Webster University, Athens. This essay is what came through me and what I offered at the event.
I would like to talk with you about Wounds, Grace and SuperPowers. The way I’d like to do that is by talking about the practice of the Red Tent for Women, the power of our cyclical nature, and what we have to gain, and to offer, from being in intimate alignment with our own cyclical nature and that of Mother Nature herself.
I am a trained natural healer of many stripes. I also consider myself a “wounded healer.” I know I’m not alone in this. In fact, I will go as far as to say that we are the daughters, mothers, sisters and stewards of a wounded humanity…. We bear the wounds of our own lifetimes, and of our lineage, wherever it is we hail from. We are in a moment where humanity the world-over knows the ruthless smack of war, forced displacement, slavery, exploitation, sexual abuse, domestic abuse, economic crises, homelessness, hunger, deep social and political division, and ironically, illness caused by habits of endless excess and exhaustion. We are more disconnected from ourselves and others than perhaps ever before, giving ourselves to constant busyness, and often, for our nervous systems, and our bodies that don’t often enough receive the benefit of our attention, gentleness and care, there is a feeling of being in a constant state of crisis. While technology has brought us many incredible developments and conveniences, it also brings perpetual news and influence – much more than we can reasonably keep up with and process emotionally and spiritually.
It is my intention today to remind us that we have a very powerful ally in our corner, nourishing us, holding us, offering us Her wisdom all day, every day – if we slow down enough to perceive what is right before us, and in fact, within us. Our Mother Earth – her nourishment, her seasons and her cycles, for women in particular, is an infinite resource and inspiration. When we remember how to listen deeply, tend to vulnerabilities, harness her power, and to be her ecological stewards, we will be making enormous steps towards personal and collective health and harmony.
I’d also like to talk about the notion of Grace: Merriam Webster defines grace as
“ unmerited divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration or sanctification.”
This spiral is a diagram of everything – oversimplified, but infinitely true. This is simply and elegantly how the living world works. In this spiral we can map life cycles, infinite patterns of birth, growth, manifestation, death, decay and regeneration; also the circulation of blood through our arteries and veins; the perpetual expansion and contraction of waves rising and falling, cycles of breathing in and breathing out, moons shining brightly and becoming dark again, and, most essentially, our very own cyclical nature as women.
Making these connections, of course, is not original wisdom on my part.
In traditional cultures such as Native American and others, there was the notion and practice of the Red Tent – a gathering of women at the new moon, also called a “moon lodge,” where women went to rest and be together when they were menstruating. They engaged in self-care, conversation, meditations, and this is where the young were guided by the mature women of the tribe. In Lara Owen’s powerful book for modern women entitled Her Blood Is Gold; Awakening to the Wisdom of Menstruation, she shared her personal experiences, as well as her extensive academic research into modern and traditional attitudes and practices around menstruation. She documented numerous tribal cultures that viewed this extraordinary feminine phenomenon as Sacred. Sacred as life itself. In fact, what comes through as an overall theme in her writing, is embodied in the beliefs of the Cherokee tribe, that “the menstruating woman is performing a function of cleansing and gathering wisdom, that is beneficial not only for herself but also for the whole tribe.” (pg 33) She writes that “Our monthly shedding is a key to our own renewal, our health and our personal power. Every month we have the opportunity to renew and refresh our whole being, physically, psychologically, and spiritually.” Thus, in the modern red Tent, we reclaim this gift and responsibility to tend to our vulnerabilities as well as our dreams, to re-align with the wisdom of the natural world, and thus to holistically empower ourselves.
Long before we were living under fluorescent lights and in front of screens, women would tend to menstruate together, at the time of the new moon; the darkness nature’s cue to encourage deep rest, deep dreaming; allowing space for important insights to come in the quiet of these tender moments when women are most sensitive and attuned. As we let go of our blood and metabolic debris, so too do we have the opportunity to process and let go of emotional debris.
Most of us will relate to tears and discomfort being experienced as this time, even rage. These are messages from deep within us, meant to guide our way forward. Our task is to responsibly, gently, with great forgiveness and ever-evolving maturity, transform the metabolic and emotional residue of painful experiences, and even tragedies, into insights, wisdom, and a renewed sense of purpose and courage.
The principles of Yin and Yang, from traditional Chinese medicine offer another rendering and perspective on the relationship between darkness and light, masculine and feminine, expansion and contraction, seasons and cycles, which we embody.
By honing our sensitivity and cultivating the art of going with the flow, we collect our nuggets of truth as we go, shedding skins, growing, transforming, slowly, slowly, month by month. Year by year. It is a beautiful, graceful, powerful, difficult process. It often hurts – and it is not to be taken for granted. We must come to understand these energies, our bodies, our emotional life, and we must engage with courage and great intention. In doing so, we more intimately understand the Mother Herself – correct choices become more obvious and more compelling, as we recognize Her patterns, Her vulnerabilities, and Her power in ourselves. In modern times, in the circumstances in which we find ourselves, the imperative is to slow down in order to feel, to let go, to heal, and to finally break free from our patterns of pain, abuse, and extraction.
Grace is our surrender to nature, coming to terms with our pain and vulnerability and also coming to terms with the power of our creative and thoughtful actions. Grace is deep listening, keen observation. Grace is forgiveness. Grace is being humble and rising from the ashes of despair to be in true service to humanity, ecology, and holistic vitality. Grace is communities of women coming together in genuine support of one another to tend our sensitivity, celebrate our beauty, and to stand as anchors of hard-earned wisdom, emotional intelligence, and humanitarian integrity, and to be catalysts for positive change.
What is inevitable is that this process of generating momentum and power happens with or without our conscious engagement…..cycles of expansion and contraction, extroversion and introversion, joy and pain, chaos and calm are guaranteed to be in store for us. The process of birth, growth, decay, death and rebirth – as we witness in the elegance of a flower from bud to bloom to wilted compost – goes on with or without our conscious engagement with it à So what happens if we do not engage? If we avoid the storms, or pretend they’re not happening, or we medicate our pain for years on end, stuff our emotions with comfort food and our bloated bellies into skinny jeans? The powerful energy of hidden agony will inevitably gather momentum and collide with other repressed emotions and wounded beings, and patterns turmoil, illness, and violence will erupt again and again and again.
As empowered women, what kind of storm do we wish to unleash in this world?
Feeling deeply into the shadow aspects of ourselves gives us clarity and insight to choose our actions wisely. When we emerge in our more expansive, expressive phase of being; when our ideas and our work - having been generously tended, nurtured and encouraged - are ready for the world; there is no stopping us. Our capacity to speak truth articulately, to create and collaborate according to our core values, and to connect with others in a meaningful, harmonious and productive way, becomes exponentially more effective. We develop the ability to act and speak with clarity, confidence, and conviction. We develop the courage to say YES to life when it is aligned with our desires and when it represents an opportunity to grow, and to say NO with grace and conviction when it is necessary to set a boundary. Imagine the ecological impact we will have when we ourselves are intimately and blissfully aligned with the natural order, when we know it in our cells, because we have learned to catalyze healing and vitality through our own felt experience.
In practicing our skills in community - among our Sisters - in the tradition of the Red Tent, we develop an innate sense of belonging, as well as a sense of responsibility. We learn that we ourselves are sacred and essential pillars, each firmly held by, and ultimately responsible for, holding up the structure and integrity of our communities.
I would like to share a quote from Judith Duerk’s book, Circle of Stones; A Woman’s Journey to Herself:
“How might your life have been different, if, as a young woman, there had been a place for you, a place where you could go to be among women…a place for you when you had feelings of darkness? And, if there had been another woman, somewhat older, to be with you in your own darkness, to be with you until you spoke…spoke out in your pain and anger and sorrow.
And if you had spoken until you had understood the sense of your feelings, how they reflected your own nature, your own deepest nature, crying out of the darkness, struggling to be heard.
And, what if, after that, every time you had feelings of darkness, you knew that the woman would come to be with you? And would sit quietly by as you went into your darkness to listen to your feelings and bring them to birth…so that, over the years, companioned by the woman, you learned to no longer fear your darkness, but to trust it…to trust it as the place where you could meet your own deepest nature and give it voice.
How might your life be different if you could trust your darkness…trust your own darkness?”
In closing, I will ask us to stretch even further and ask:
How would our world be different if every month over the course of a lifetime, every woman comes back into her center, into a deep sense of herself, and what feels right and in alignment with nature, and what feels wrong, and that through that meditative, sacred process, month after month, year after year, she continually informs and refines her purpose, her actions, her priorities, her confidence, her relationships with other powerful women and her impact on her community and the world. How would our world be different?