Red Tent Eindhoven, Friday, January 4, 2019
I was recently led to deeply explore the concept of Sexual Sovereignty for women. As I continue to grow and reflect on my experiences as a child, young woman, mother, healer, activist, and creatrix of my own life, it has become perfectly clear that there are some dark and complex root causes – belief systems, behavior patterns, and misunderstandings - that are feeding the hungry ghosts of modern popular, social and political culture.
These phenomena get into our heads and perpetually feed soundbites of dissonance, shame, and endless arguments into our individual and collective psyches. These soundbites, both discretely and overtly, co-opt thoughtful conversations and even overrun our innate wisdom, and impose ideas about what we should do, how we should act, what’s beautiful, what’s important, what success means, and even what’s sexy and what’s not. These thoughts and beliefs – that don’t belong to us – can take root in our psyches and insidiously erode our physical and emotional health, self esteem, relationships, and ability to effectively create our hearts’ desires.
I’d like to ask: What if we took back the conversation, and the right to make decisions about our own lives, especially in the realm of our deepest, most tender selves – the realm of sexuality; our innate, universal capacity to create and express ourselves in the world?
I wonder, how would the world be different for women (and men) if….
Our education around sex, relationships and menstruation included deep, thoughtful discussions among our peers, that were guided by women more mature and experienced than us? What if these deep, rich, tender conversations encouraged us to explore and practice, at a young age, the concepts of freedom, individuality, pleasure, deep respect, sacredness, and responsibility?
What if, as young women, we had been gifted with a place, a practice, and a paradigm for developing ourselves as wildly creative feminine beings?
What if, at a very early age, we received guidance that lead to an understanding of our pleasure anatomy? What if it was part of growing up from girl to woman to know how our bodies worked; how to cultivate profound health, vitality, creativity and emotional maturity? What if we knew, from a young age, that pleasure was as essential to our wellbeing as breath, water, nutritious food, exercise, and sound sleep?
Imagine if we learned, through rites of passage and the example of wise women and mentors, how to develop a deeply personal and devotional practice that cultivated wisdom, integrity, and responsibility around our emotional and sexual behavior?
If, from the beginning, we knew that we were cherished, and that our contributions to our families and communities, and as stewardesses of the Earth, would make or break the future of humanity, would we perceive ourselves differently? Would we behave differently?
What if we learned that our resonance – our felt state of being – leaves a greater imprint than our words, or even our actions?
What if we were raised and enculturated to know that sexual energy is an innate and inseparable aspect of our humanity….. that sexual energy is not different from “life” energy,
“digestive” energy, or energy that we expend when we exercise…. that it exists and has the potential to thrive exclusive of a partner, and that it represents a wellspring of creative and vital resource?
How would our choices be different if we understood that suffocated, repressed, or left untapped, our sexuality could wither, and with it so too would our impulse to shine radiantly, naturally, and unabashedly? What if it was obvious to us that suppression of our sexuality would leave us in a lower, more tired, and possibly even stagnant state of physical, emotional and mental function?
How would we feel different if our activities in the world were grounded in a deep knowing of ourselves; an understanding of our cellular and physiologic functioning? What if it was common knowledge that our physical and emotional currents are natural, normal, and powerful beyond measure?
What if there was no fear and no shame around sexuality? If, we, as women, felt deeply happy, confident, peaceful, and in alignment with our deepest desires?
Would this be a game changer?
Can we imagine for a moment, how the world would change if the emotional currents that make us sick (fear, shame, anger, anxiety….) could be transformed into sensitivity, compassion, generosity, wisdom, and purposeful, courageous action?
What if it were a universally recognized human right that all human beings have full authority to make decisions about what happens to and in their bodies?
What if it were obvious to all humans that the practical definition of courage is taking action with sensitivity, vulnerability, and a deep, thoughtful sense of purpose?
How would our relationships and communities be different if the fierce respect, clarity and conviction that we consciously cultivated in ourselves translated seamlessly to profound respect and conviction for the freedom and sovereignty of others?
What if a shift in ourselves - in our self perception, and our physiology - could change the game, for everyone, in a big way?
If you are a man and you read this far – THANK YOU for your curiosity, and THANK YOU for caring about us. I have a question for you too: How would it feel for you to witness the women in your life feeling wildly alive, creative, beautiful, deeply relaxed and fully empowered?
Sexual Sovereignty for women is a concept developed, researched, and taught for over 25 years by Saida Désilets, creator of the Désilets Method, “a psychosexual system that creates more pleasure, sexual aliveness, and deep self-love.”
Recommended (but not required) reading for our next Red Tent circle: Emergence of the Sensual Woman, Awakening Our Erotic Innocence: The Sacred Teachings of the Jade Goddess, By Saida Désilets, Ph.D.