Join us in the Red Tent Friday, March 15, 2019, at 19.30 at Yoga Yuj yoga studio in Eindhoven. Read more about the Red Tent here.
You might ask, WHY would anyone want to gather on a Friday night to talk about such a GHASTLY topic????
My answer: Thoughtful conversations about things that matter in our human experience are daring, a bit uncomfortable, and potentially life-changing.
These are my observations about shame, and why I’d like to invite you into a conversation about it:
Shame creeps underground. It lurks in the things we don’t want to talk about, or the things that we have been conditioned not to talk about: Sex. Politics. Religion. Feelings deemed “negative.” Through media and social conditioning, it is strewn about - intentionally and unintentionally - in ideas about appearance and body image, our menstrual cycle, physical and mental health, pregnancy, motherhood, parenting decisions, income and social class, education and professional status, aging, and so on.
Shame is a weapon of social destruction and, when internalized, self-sabotage.
When words are used to embarrass, bully, or over-ride another person’s voice, we are wielding shame. It can be deployed silently with a look or an eyeroll. By withholding love. It can be used strategically and manipulatively; to shut someone up, or invalidate their opinion. When there is an uncomfortable silence in the room, or in a relationship, there’s a good chance that shame is present. It’s often laughed off.
While we attempt with our words to teach our children to be kind and respect one another, we read magazines that “expose” the dark and embarrassing secrets of celebrities’ private lives, and engage in politics epitomized by the White House annual press dinner where the spectacle of embarrassing dignitaries through “comedy” is a tradition. In sales and marketing maneuvers, fake and glamorous images incite shame to sell us the miracle cures and solutions that will make us feel better about ourselves.
Shame is a silent, shadowy and insidious killer. It kills our enthusiasm, our creativity, our life force energy, our sense of self, our libido, our relationships, and our health. I’m not a researcher or a psychiatrist, but I have spent more than a few moments in the grip of shameful feelings. I would go out on a limb to surmise that it has something to do with epidemic rates of addiction, depression, sexual dysfunction, violent behaviors, and even suicide around the world.
The energy it takes to conceal it is agonizing and exhausting.
Will you join me in bringing this conversation out of the dark and into the light?
Awareness is liberating. Conscious decisions are empowering. Sharing harnesses the wisdom of our collective experiences, expands our capacity for meaningful connection and collaboration, and helps us grow.
This facilitated discussion will encourage us to recognize behaviors, words, and social situations that incite shame, and develop what shame researcher Brené Brown calls “shame resilience.”
“Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor - the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant "To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart." Over time, this definition has changed, and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds. But in my opinion, this definition fails to recognize the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences -- good and bad. Speaking from our hearts is what I think of as "ordinary courage.”
― Brené Brown, I Thought It Was Just Me: Women Reclaiming Power and Courage in a Culture of Shame
Recommended (but not required) reading that will lend insight for this conversation: I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Making the Journey from “What Will People Think” to “I Am Enough,” and Daring Greatly, both by Brené Brown
Download Brené Brown’s “I Thought It Was Just Me” worksheet here.
As always, the evening will include meditation, movement practice or free-style dance, light refreshments, and heartfelt sharing among like-minded souls.
Join us in the Red Tent. <3